(With Silverwing, walking her downstairs)
SW: Your door is heavy.
ME: It keeps the crazies out.
SW: But they let you in!
ME: That's because I have a key.




(Watching 'Queen of the Damned' with IceFly, the part where Lestat and Akasha are taking a bath)
ME: Dude! She bit his nipple! She bit his nipple!
IF: I know! That's not supposed to happen!
CASY: *Walks in the living room* What? What happened?
ME: She bit his nipple!
CASY: O.o Ow.....



(Same thing as above, same scene)
ME: They're not gonna have sex are they? Cuz vampires can't have sex.
IF: No, they don't.
ME: Yeah, vampires are impotent. They go for an eternity without getting laid.
CASY: That just sucks. You just see a bunch of vampire like, *pretends to rip his hair out* AAAAAHHHH!




(Phil and I had been walking around and caught in a snowfall. We got back to his place soaked, so I had to borrow a pair of his pants)
PHIL: Haha! Now I can brag that you've been in my pants!




(At IceFly's eating supper and talking about 'Amelie Poulin'
ME: So, what's this movie about?
IF's Dad: It's this whacked out movie about a whacked out girl trying to go out with this whacked out boy.
IF's Mom: The reason why you didn't understand it, is because you're not smart enough to understand it.



(Silverwing talking about Matt, from Digimon)
SW: When Matt started dating Sora, it defeated the purpose of staring at his ass.



ME: I AM A CROISSANT!
SW: O.o Wha?
TT: huh?
SW: SnyperKat's a croissant. I asked her, 'Wha?'
TT: Oh.



(Walking in the school halls with Silverwing and Tan-tan)
ME: I AM A CROISSANT!
TT: You are a poisson!
ME: No no no! Not a poisson, a croissant! I am SnyperKat the croissant! Or, as Dennis Leary said, a cre-sandwich.
SW: You're a cakesniffer!
TT: ???
ME: I told you, I'm not a cakesniffer, I am a croissant!
PPL PASSING BY: O.O



(At my house with Buras_Mew and Phil. BM started to draw, then Phil wanted to draw, so I had to bend down to pick up a hardcover book, and I knew that Phil was staring)
ME: Stop staring at my ass.
BM: Sorry.
ME: ???
BM: Haha, bet you didn't expect that one.



(Talking with Silverwing)
ME: Hey Silverwing, what are you doing this weekend?
SW: Nothing.
ME: Want to go to a movie?
SW: I don't know, I'll have to see what I'm doing.
ME: .............................



(At my house, with Buras_Mew. I say something to mock her)
BM: Fuck you.
ME: I know you want to.
BM: Yes. I am secretly a lesbian and want you tied down to my bed.
ME: .......?
(She was joking on that one! Don't take it seriously. ^_^ )



(In math class)
TEACHER: Everything on the moon weighs 6 times less. So, don't go on a diet, get a rocket and go to the moon.



(In science class, with Stickman Kyle)
SMK: I took over Russia with beer and booze.



(Somewhere, I think it was in school)
ME: I have the sudden urge to play Connect Four.



(In French class)
RYAN H: I'll smack you over the head with a frozen rabbit!



(In science class, Stickman Kyle complaining about the cold)
SMK: And the worst part is, I took a cold shower this morning.
ME: Why did you do that?!?
SMK: Somebody flushed the toilet...



(English class)
TEACHER: Take your time, just hurry up.



(French class)
RYAN B: You idiots-heads!
EVERYONE: ....?



(English class. [My English teacher is really funny])
TEACHER: I created a poem, that won an award, and this is it: Roses are red, violets are blue, I like watermelon, can you skate?



(French class)
WESLEY: My new rapper name is 'White Chocolate'



(French class, learning when to put an 's' at the end of a color or not.)
TEACHER: For example, Wesley has chocolate eyes. We don't put an 's'.
RYAN B: Why don't we put the 's'?
WESLEY: Cuz my eyes are 'chocolate' not 'chocolates'!



(Lunch time, hanging around in the art room with Buras_Mew, Silverwing, and Griffin. Griffin picks up Silverwing, and hurls her over his shoulder)
SW: Harumph.
GRIFFIN: *starts to walk out of the class*
SW: Eep! Put me down, put me down!
BM: Tarzan, bring Jane back!



(A group of us playing cards)
ME: So, if the Jack is the prince, then where's the princess?
TAMS: She ran away with the ten.



(Valerie R presenting a project)
STEPH: Val, the wheetie fell.
VAL: Well, the wheetie's not supposed to fall so just pretend it's still there.



GRIFFIN: I'm fat, lazy, tired, depressed, I'm wearing a thong, and I've been walking in high heels all day.. HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?!?! (This quote doesn't hold any truth in it, hehe.. this is just a random sentence he said)



(In some class)
TEACHER: Mike, stop talking or else I'm going to go over there and kick you in the butt.
MATT: He would enjoy it sir.
TEACHER: Matt, only YOU would know that.



(In geography class)
TEACHER: I don't drink. I just don't like alcohol.
NIKKI: But you met your husband in a bar!
TEACHER: But you see, I remembered it.



(Playing cards again)
GRIFFIN: *who always has about half the deck in his hands* Bullshit on your fives, bullshit on your sixes, bullshit on your sevens.... wait, I'm on sevens.



(Continuing from above)
GRIFFIN: Bullshit on your eights, bullshit on your nines, bullshit on your tens... ah hell, I'm gonna lose anyway...



(Cleaning the kitty litter. Graffiti decides to sit down and stare at me)
ME: I think she's curious as to what's going on.
MOM: Actually, what she is probably thinking is, "My toilet! My toilet! What are you doing with my toilet?!"



GRIFFIN: A pronoun is a noun that has lost its amateur status.



(Somewhere in school, hanging around with Griffin and Silverwing. Me and Griffin are reciting 'Fight Club' rules)
GRIFFIN: The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club.
ME: The second rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club!
GRIFFIN: Third rule of Fight Club, when someone yells stop, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over.
ME: The fourth rule of Fight Club is, only two guys to a fight.
(Etc... etc... all the way to the eighth rule, then we start reciting the whole damn movie)
SW: ..........I feel left out........



(Phil and I, talking about different camouflage patterns for the army)
PHIL: Green is for jungle and forest, blue is for icy plains, and pure white is for arctic wasteland.
ME: What about orange?
PHIL: That might be autumn, but I think it's just fashion.
ME: Unless a war breaks out in a pumpkin patch.



GRIFFIN: I'm wasting away.... I'm down to a B-cup!



LUCY: My fat ass has finally caught up with me.



(In history class, Griffin is speaking in Elven [he learned how off the net and stuff])
GRIFFIN: Sut naa lle sina re?
ME: ............ Yes, the chocolate sundaes are being served now.
GRIFFIN: I said, "Hi, how are you?"
ME: Oh, in that case, I'm fine. ^_^'



(in French class, working on this project where we have to interview someone we know about their jobs)
PAUL: But if they know us, why do we have to introduce ourselves? 'Hi dad, my name is Paul.'



(Christmas day, me and my brother are watching my 'Bad Religion: The Riot' DVD)
CASY: Look dad! The singer's wearing the same shirt as you are!
DAD: O_o What year did this take place?
ME: 1990
DAD: .... I don't know whether I should feel young, or old.



(French class)
RYAN H: There's coffee in my wallet.... **licks his wallet**



(history class, we just found out that the student teacher is getting married)
SHAWN: Miss, how old are you?
TEACHER: That's a personal question! [she's about 25, I don't what she has to be ashamed of]
SHAWN: Fine, we'll ask your husband at your wedding. We'll find it.
GRIFFIN: Nothing's going to stop us!



(french class, doing this project where we have to make an alternative life)
ROGER: My guy loves to play cricket and checkers, and collects butterflies.



(history class again)
GRIFFIN: Do you know what gymnastics means to me?
ME: What?
GRIFFIN: It consists of me getting down on my hands and knees while having other guys trying to climb on top of me. [I realize that Griffin comes off as feminine in this section, but he's not a femme-guy. It's just that everytime he says womanish things, they happen to be very funny]



(history class again!!)
SEAN: We should all wear tightie-whities.



(science class, the teacher is talking about water pipes and such)
TEACHER: They are under the water tower but of course we don't see them cuz they're underground.
SMK: Yes... dead bodies...



(french class, doing some crossword puzzle)
ROGER: It's Maitre d'Orchestre, right Shawn?
SHAWN: It's 'Roger shutup.'
ROGER: It's 'Shawn has no friends.'



(english class)
TEACHER: Don't look at me in that tone of voice.



(history class... AGAIN!!)
TEACHER: But who's fighting for the poor?
SW: Robin Hood.



(Explanation: I find it rather unattractive when a girl wears low-cut pants and has her thong poking out. Anyway, this happened in science class, talking with Stickman Kyle)
ME: Look at her. Her thong is showing.
SMK: I didn't need to see that. It's bad enough I see it at home.
ME: Ah. Your sister?
SMK: Yes. Laundry. I was shocked and confused upon realization of what it was. It looked like a face cloth... a really torn up one.



PAUL: I want to die peacefully in my sleep, not like the passengers in my car.



(history class with Silverwing, my teacher has an interesting drawing of Quebec on the board)
SW: You know, his drawing of Quebec kinda looks my uncle.




(french class)
RYAN B: Liar liar, pants of fire!
RYAN H: Hang your underwear on a telephone wire!



(history again)
TEACHER: I don't want you guys to spend the whole class sleeping!
ME: Too late...



(English class)
TEACHER: 'B', the letter 'b'! As in big bad baby bear bothers buggy!



(math class, Amanda has this rubber ball thing, and Alex took it, so she started using this crying type voice that works on any guy.. well, almost any guy..)
AMANDA: My crying voice doesn't work on you!
ALEX: It's because I have no conscience!



(chilling with Silverwing)
ME: Did you know the biggest bat in the world has a six-foot wingspan?
SW: Holy shit! What kind of bat is that??
ME: A fruitbat.
SW: ............................
ME: Still though, it could probably pick up Melinda (Melinda is thin, and not heavy) and carry her away, and we'd never see her again!!



(french class, my teacher is getting really pissed off and starts yelling stuff)
TEACHER: Is that clear?
PAUL: Yup... clear as shit.



(french class again, we have a substitute. Some of the boys are messing around, walking around with their pants around their ankles [with boxers still on!!] and silly things)
SUB: You guys look ridiculous!
PAUL: [mishearing what she said] What? We have to do dishes?



(once upon a time in grade eight, Paul received an office detention [ones that the principal gives you] and low and behold, later in the day, a teacher gave him another detention, but because he couldn't go, he received another detention, and it went into this vicious circle. Here's how he explained it)
PAUL: I'm getting detentions down here because I didn't serve detention there, because I was already serving one down here, when I was supposed to be up there!



(science class, doing a test. I misread something)
ME: 'Three different substances were heated seperately in... cubicles?? Oh, crucibles.'



(history class, with Silverwing and Griffin, reviewing stuf... actually, pretending to review stuff so the teacher will get off our backs, hehe)
SW: Canada was created in 1867, right?
GRIFFIN: No, it was created in 2 billion 44.
ME: B.C. or A.D.?
GRIFFIN: .... A.D.



(my house, chilling with Silverwing, talking about stories)
SW: ..so the water's filling up with room, and...
ME: Uhhh.... Silverwing?
SW: ...I mean, the room is filling up with water...



(once again, chilling with Silverwing at my house, talking about Harry Potter)
SW: Or when Quirrel came in and said, "Troll in the dungeon!" Draco's face was so funny!
ME: Yeah, his eyes were super loud!
SW: ...............
ME: ............what?
SW: .....Super loud?
ME: .....................I mean, super wide!!



(At Erica's birthday party, there were seven girls, and one guy, Mark. We're all in the pool)
MARK: I'm the only guy here...
ERICA: Well, feel special, you were the only penis who was invited.



(Same as above, Erica goes to splash Mark)
MARK: No! You can't splash me, I'm a penis! I'm a penis!



(hehe, I'll just leave this one to your imagination. I was with Silverwing)
SW: Oh, SnyperKat, I got a new bra, isn't it nice?
SK: Ya, it really is, it suits you!



(at my house, chilling with FireFly)
ME: **changing the garbage bag** Ugh, my garbage really smells bad!
FIREFLY: Oh really? I wasn't aware that garbage was supposed to smell good



(at Silverwing's house with FireFly, playing Smash Brothers Melee. Her cousins from the States are there, and the oldest, Chris, understands some French, but the youngest, Greg, doesn't)
ME: **completely messing up something** Tabernack!
CHRIS: I know THAT word!
GREG: What does it mean?
CHRIS: I'm not quite sure, but I know it's an obscene swear word.



(at my house, chilling with Silverwing, and rambling)
ME: You know what occurred to me? They have made movies out of a lot of video games, Mortal Kombat, Final Fantasy, Tomb Raider, Super Mario, Wing Commander, but they never made a movie for Legend of Zelda.
SW: Yeah, they should.
ME: But then it also occurred to me... what person in their right mind will be willing to wear that tunic and that hat??



(at my dad's house, watching a movie with my brother, who is wearing his brand new bright orange tuque)
ME: What did the guy say? I can't hear, your hat's too loud.



(me, EXTREMELY hyper and talking very fast, at school sitting at a lunch table with Stickman Kyle, Tan-Tan, Buras_Mew, and Lucy.
ME: I want to fuck Duo Maxwell. [of Gundam Wing]
BM: I bet you do.
SMK: Wouldn't it be hard though, if he's wearing a dress?
ME: .........What?! What are you talking about?
SMK: In my spoof story he's wearing a dress, remember?
ME: Oh that's easy. Just prop him up on a counter, hike up the dress, and do it out!
LUCY: o_O **extremely disturbed**



(at school, [my new school] in Ethics class. We are playing a game where we have to go around with a paper that has questions on it, and ask people if they can answer it. One of them is, "Have you had a scary dream recently?")
TEACHER: Alright, Hugo, tell us a story about someone. Who has had a scary dream recently.
HUGO: Mel did. It was about Shane and Danny.
EVERYONE: O_O
TEACHER: And... what was the dream... about?
HUGO: I don't really remember. I think it had something to do with tap dancing.



(me talking on the phone with Phil, writing a song/poem at the same time)
ME: What rhymes with twice?
PHIL: Rice.
ME: Hm.. rice, thrice, suffice.. OW!
PHIL: OW doesn't rhyme with rice.
ME: It does when my cat is biting my toe!! [Neko decided to chomp down on my toe just then -_-']



(at school, chilling with Josie on one of the couches. She's eating this rice stuff with barbecue sauce and chicken)
JOSIE: You know, this stuff is actually pretty good... **takes a few more bites**... except that the rice tastes like dish soap. That's only a minor defect.



(at school. Well, after school waiting for the bus. I go up to Josie)
ME: I need intelligent conversation.
JOSIE: Well, you've come to the wrong person.
ME: .... okay then, I need semi-intelligent conversation
JOSIE: I can deal with that.



(in Ethics class, finishing at 10:50 when we normally finish at 10:40. We are talking about how society influences people, and we got confused at 10:40 and started to put out stuff away)
TEACHER: Hey! Class isn't over yet!
JONATHAN: Society is influencing us.... to close our books and leave.



(somewhere with Phil, and he gives me a REEAAAALLY tight hug)
ME: Ack! Phil, no matter how hard you squeeze me, I'm not gonna morph!



(me waiting for my bus to come, listening to these two kids talking cuz I have nothing else to do)
Kid #1: Where's the sun? **turns arounds and sees it** Oh, there it is, I didn't even realize.
Kid #2: What did you think it was, a big lightbulb?



(in ethics, debating whether there should be condom dispensers in the bathrooms)
MEL: Who would have sex in school, anyway?
KEVIN K: Something to do during spare periods.



(on the bus, on the way to school, Anthony complaining about a cheque some guy gave him)
ANTHONY: If the cheque bounces, I'm gonna fuck the shit out of him!! ......... I mean, beat the fucking shot out of him.
MIKE: That would be an awkward punishment.



(math class, going over a review of what we did last semester, but nobody seems to remember much..)
TEACHER: I thought you guys learned all this!
JESSICA J: We did, but we forgot it all during the break... well, I speak for myself here.
ME: No, you speak for me too.



(math class again, going over some fractions and equations)
KEVIN B: Wait, you can't have half a person! Oh wait, that represents the money...
JESSICA J: You could have half a person, they just wouldn't be alive.



(chilling with Phil and Buras_Mew, watching 'Joan of Arcadia'. Remember, Phil is a big guy, very meaty)
PHIL: **referring to JoA** I would be pretty creeped out if I was walking there with all the bums looking at me like, "Money!"
BM: Actually, they would at you more like, "MEAT!"



(at school, doing activities in a group)
ME: Stephen, you do the second puzzle, I'll do the first one. What about you?
BRENDAN: I'll stand around and look pretty.



(in economic class. My teacher, Keith, is the best teacher, and will most likely be the only teacher here referred to by his real name ^_^)



KEITH: Recessions are like the potholes of the economy. And remember what the 'fiscal year' is- the fucking taxes.



(economics class again)
KEITH: I try to get smarter as I get older but it's not working very well.



(economics class strikes a third time. There was a mix-up as to when our test was supposed to be)
KEITH: Remember that your test is tomorrow.
SHEREEN: You said it was next week!
KEITH: Well, if I did than I'm a dumb fuck.



(at my dad's house, my brother Casy and his friend Peter are having one of their ninja fights in the hallway)
CASY: Ninja kick!
PETER: Ninja punch!
CASY: Ninja block!
PETER: Ninja push! **thud** Oof!
ME: What happened?
PETER: I ninja fell on my ass.



ME: My math class is so boring, it's like you're trying to hang yourself but your toes are still touching the ground and you can't die!!!



(in economics class)
KEITH: I don't qualify as a hippie, because I don't have much hair anymore...



(on the bus, chilling with random people that I know)
KEVIN C: One time, I put my little girl rabbit, and my little boy rabbit, in the same cage, and the next day, I had a LOT of rabbits.



(french class, but Chris is doing his English homework, which is vocabulary stuff)
CHRIS: How many times am I going to use the word 'scrupulous' in my every day vocabulary? Knowing our teachers, it probably means something really easy like 'fork'



(french class, correcting homework, the teacher realizes that the person reading outloud the answers wasn't reading his own...)
TEACHER: You were reading my answer, you piece of shit! I thought you were reading your own!
JESSE: Oh, did she just call you a piece of shit? Apparently, I'm a prick
SHEREEN: I'm a pain in the ass
CHRIS: I'm a bum



ME: **hits my elbow on the desk** Ow!
JOSIE: I didn't feel a thing.



(drinking some juice, then realizing the juice is very very watery, meaning only one thing)
ME: Argh! Mom, did you forget to stir the juice again?
MOM: Oh! Sorry, I was talking on the phone while making it, and accidently put it in the fridge without stirring
ME: Mo-ther! Why do you do these things to me.
MOM: To annoy you
ME: ... I'll remember that the next time I make coffee for you...



(at school, talking with people)
JEFF: I'm a fast reader. I read a 300-page book in two days.
ME: I read a 600-page book in two days
JEFF: ........ Well, I know how to fly a kite



(near Christmas, I'm looking at the presents under the tree, and happen to find a rolled-up thing that looks like a thick poster[which turned out to be a calendar])
ME: I wonder what this thing is...
MOM: What thing?
ME: This sausage-shaped present.
DIETER: (sarcastically) Oh no! How did she find out about the sausage!



(at my house, chilling with FireFly, getting ready for bed. She is obsessed with Sesshoumaru from Inuyasha, btw)
FIREFLY: It's so cold in your house! I need Sesshoumaru to come warm me up!
ME: Well, I don't have a Sesshoumaru here, so I'll get you some more blankets, okay?
FIREFLY: But I want Sesshoumaru!! Sesshoumaru, Sesshoumaru!
ME: Well, I'm gonna get you some Sesshou-blankets, so just calm down.



(at my house, chilling with FireFly, watching the anime Naruto, the episodes where Rock Lee and Gaara are fighting. Quick explanation for non-Naruto fans... Lee is hitting Gaara so hard that Gaara's sand-armor starts to break and makes him look like he's cracking into pieces. So FireFly just had one question while watching this..)
FIREFLY: Is Gaara made out of porcelain by any chance?
ME: No, he is not made out of porcenalin.
FIREFLY: Ah, okay. Just making sure.



(playing the mmorpg ROSE Online, talking to my friend Amatril [this is inside the game])
ME: *sarcasm* You know, the amount of creativity people put in their character names truly astounds me. -_-
AMATRIL: No need to tell me twice, I just walked by DoubleSidedDildo.



(my house, chilling with my parents, FireFly, and her mom Aline, and we got onto the topic of bread)
ALINE: The reason why baguettes cost as much as sliced bread us because even though it tastes better, it doesn't last as long. With a baguette, you have to cut it with a buzz saw after two days.



(continuing from above, now talking about donuts)
ALINE: Donuts from Tim Horton's are better than from Dunkin Donuts. If you leave DD donuts alone for a day, you could draughtproof your windows with them



(at work, putting away paper towels, my co-worker is tossing them to me to put them on the shelves [mind you, these are pretty cheap ones])
SANDRA: I think even if I threw this at you at full force, it wouldn't hurt... this stuff is worth 77 cents.



(continuing from above)
SANDRA: Stephane was supposed to bring us a pallet of Majesta toilet paper... did you see him bring one?
ME: No.
BRIAN: I didn't see him.
SANDRA: .... HE FRIGGIN' ATE IT!!!



(at work again, putting away a ladder)
SONYA: They tie up the ladders as if they are about to run away or something.
ME: Well, I personally think it would be amusing for a ladder to suddenly sprout legs and run off.



(at work, taking fake trees out of the box and making a mess cuz of the dried crap falling off of it)
ME: *talking to Louis the janitor* Hey Louis, there's going to be a nice mess for you to clean up afterwards.
LOUIS: And you're saying that with a smile on your face??
ME: It's because we love you, Louis
LOUIS: Well, do me a favor and love me less.



(at work, on break, that night we got free Krispy Kreme donuts but at our second break at 5:30 AM, Brian was the only one eating them)
BRIAN: I feel stupid. I'm the only one eating a donut.
ME: Meh, it doesn't matter.
BRIAN: *takes a few more bites* ..... sugar is gross at 5:30 in the morning.